[Intro: Beck Bennett & Natalie Portman] – We're here today with film star Natalie Portman. Now, Natalie, the last time you were here, I heard things got a little out of control. – Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then. But... I've matured a lot. – Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you? – Okay, ya bish. – I'm sorry, what? [Verse 1: Natalie Portman] Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman Fucked your husband and his best friend just for sport, man You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (Woo!) Xannies dissolving in my Pinot My man dance, but he's not a ballerino Yeah, he twinkle his toes, but he give me good D, though Wrap a good burrito Tide Pods only fucking thing I snack on Black out and go motherfucking Black Swan Brain gone off that fucking Ayahuasca, boy Tell your tourist parents I'ma turn you into a foster boy! [Interlude: Beck Bennett & Natalie Portman] – Wow, I gotta say it seems like you're almost exactly the same, but with current references. – Untrue. I'm a mother now. It's really changed my perspective. – And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career? – You can juggle these nuts. – What? [Verse 2: Natalie Portman] I don't dance now, I make mommy moves When I gave birth, I didn't even push I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor They say I'm sex-positive Hell yeah, I'm positive That you're going down while I'm bumping "My Prerogative" Tell me why Ha, I guess I'm showing my age Now bend over and spread them because you about to get fucked (Damn!) [Interlude: Beck Bennett & Natalie Portman] – Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, have you seen the new Star Wars movies? – No – Oh, well they're really good! They're much better than... – Better than what? – ...shit [Verse 3: Natalie Portman & (Alex Moffatt)] Say something 'bout the motherfucking prequels, bitch! (They were good!) Say something fucking nice about Jar-Jar Binks (He's tall?) Now kiss him right on his seventeen dicks (What?) While I sit dead on your face and take a shit [Bridge: Andy Samberg (as Carl the Viking) & Natalie Portman] – Oh, Natalie... – Yeah? – Please come meet your baby. He cries himself to sleep every night – That little shit ain't mine! – Oh, Natalie... – What? – It's been twelve long years – Shut the fuck up! – And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life! – You're a mess, Carl. [Interlude: Beck Bennett & Natalie Portman] – Okay, well, that's all the time we have. Natalie, one last question—do you think those "Time's Up" pins have had the impact that you were hoping for? AH! – How's that for impact? – Well, actually — oh, no... – No more questions.
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