This morning it occurred to me I might not look quite like the natural blonde And I can't help but feel conned The picture on the packet showed a model with no baggage, Promising wild sex and marriage With a big colour chart wand This morning it occurred to me I never will quite have a supermodel's legs (Never in a million years!) Unless I cut each one in half Become half an octopus - The two become synonymous With cocaine glamour, riches, beauty, and crack I took a trip to the National Gallery For something more refreshing in what Rubens saw My "supermodel's" legs Think they were plucked from a Rubens-esque world (Ah ah ah ah!) My supermodel's legs Look pretty crap on a 5-foot-4 girl (Ah ah ahhh!) Women, men and in-betweens - Why don't you just stop dieting? Go bake, eat cake, go cheer, drink beer! Worrying is boring! If people said eat loads of cake You wouldn't want much anyway And then you would've and stuffed your face And looked like King Henry VIII Present we're told off every day For living our lives the wrong damn way "Suck my left one!" is what I say If I want six coffees a day! Women, men and in-betweens - Why don't you just stop dieting? Go bake, eat cake, go cheer, drink beer! Worrying is boring me! Oh, I get more turned on By pink cupcakes than heroin Not "rock and roll" I'm much more Mary Poppins Oh supermodel's legs They never held up much weight in my world (Ooh wa ooh wa! ooh wa ooh wa!) Oh supermodel's legs Cause women should be women, Girls should be allowed to be girls (Ah ah ah ah!) (Too right!)
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